it doesn’t bear to be repeated, but here we are

I know this is something that doesn’t need to be repeated, but I need to let it out.

I’m almost 30 now (just 2 years shy), but it still amazes me how our childhood traumas essentially shape us to become the person we are today. There are many kinds of traumas – all of which have horrific effects on one’s self-esteem as they grow older, especially as the person slowly understands the world and tries to make what they can with the burdened trauma within them, it just fucking sucks that it still stings to this day.

It’s probably the hormones talking, but it can get really tiring to have to go through the same shit everyday and return to your coping mechanism of bottling it in. As a kid, I’ve paid witness to the many troubles and trials life gave me and knew that I’d be adding to those troubles if I complained even for a tiny bit. Some may say I’m selfless for that, but looking back, I can’t help but pity myself.

Can you imagine a child having to have that mindset? That THEY have to adjust to their environment, not knowing that it’ll have a detrimental effects to them when they’re older?

Sad thing is: a child doesn’t know any better. They can only cope the way they can.